Idol Worship...

Well Jon and I went to Idol Slaughter 08' and survived; although only one of us got to try out. To sum up the experience I have taken the liberty of interviewing myself by myself for your entertainment pleasure (Seacrest wishes he had my skills).

Was it worth it?
-No, 4am really isn't my style, nor is being herded like cattle into lines next to people who don't practice proper hygiene. 10 plus hours for 20 plus or minus seconds? Heck No.

Did you have fun?
-Yes and No, allow me to indulge. Yes, because I took my mother and we love to make fun of people as a past time. No, because making fun of people for 10 hours straight starts getting to your conscience and you start running out of good material.

Above you mentioned only ONE of you got to try out, please explain?
-Well I tried out. Jon thought he would be able to, but because production took so flipping long doing crowd shots, Jon had to eventually bow out early and go to work. He waited 7 hours and still didn't get to try out. I blame Seacrest.

Were you nervous?
-Um no. Once you have seen a gyno nothing makes you nervous, even public scrutiny.

Could people there sing?
-Yes actually. Unlike what will probably be shown on the telly. I would say MOST of the persons there could actually sing quite well and could probably make it big. Utah actually has some great talent. But I am willing to bet my left pinkie that they show the weirdos and claim Utah is lackluster. I blame Seacrest.

So, Did you make it?
-Obviously not. Judge #10 looked to be a late teen rather than a 'producer', and half of the time she would look away and doodle on her clipboard. I swear she drew a cat while I was singing. I would very much like to see her credentials, and ask her why a 'producer' dresses like a transient.

I'm Ron Burgandy?
hehe :) I kid, I kid...

Who made it through?
-The weirdos for sure-sequins, hexes, and all. A lot of men made it through, anyone not female, white, and blonde, and some chick who was a ventriloquist--no lie, they let through a puppet master. I know some of them had talent, but I am willing to bet less than half that made it through made it because they can sing. Ratings anyone?

Would you try out again?
-No. I didn't realize it would be so long. And I can think of better ways to torture myself on my day off from work. But I am glad I got to see how incredibly edited this show is- for a 'reality' show it is anything but real.

Now what?
-Thankfully I resisted quitting my job to become the next Idol, so I still have that. I no longer have to kill off a family member with a rare disease to make for an interesting back story for ratings. And I don't have to pay off blackmailers who may or may not have incriminating information about things that may or may not have happened that might or might not have ended up on youtube and the news. (I blame Seacrest)

So friends...there you have it. All of the burning questions answered. Sadly Jon and Reagan will not be Idol Worshiped. But don't cry for us Argentina, we will find fame another way. Possibly surrogate parents for Brad and Angelina to bring their child count to 20. Their people are calling our people, I will keep you posted.

Much love, best wishes, and as my good friend rapper Won-G says, "Don't think of me as a celebrity....think of me as your home boy."

Word.